The Other Side of the Rainbow
by b-leigh09
Summary: In a nutshell, it's what I believe would have happened if Bella had chosen Jacob instead of Edward. I consider myself a member of Team Edward, I'm not life or death member. I'm subject to change. Just wanted to see how this worked. Hope you enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

Awakening

I felt as though I had been asleep for years and years. Lost in a dreamland I had merely perceived as reality. For the first time in eighteen years everything became painfully clear. As Jacob pulled his lips away from mine, I realized how much I really and truly loved him. I looked up at him with my newly opened eyes with wonder and awe; how had he known this whole time? How had he been so sure when I was so blind?

"That should have been our first kiss" He whispered as he began to untangle himself from the death grip I had on him.

"Jake, please don't go! You don't have to fight, I need you here!" I begged desperately. "If you didn't come back after...after what just happened, I don't know what I'd do! I need you!"

"What do you mean? Are you telling me that you felt what I felt just now?"

"I-I don't...w-what?" I mumbled, knowing the exactly what he was asking, but afraid to let myself answer honestly.

"Are you saying what I think you are? Bella," He bent his head toward me, intensity burning in his eyes, "are you choosing me?"

I nodded my head as my tears flowing freely again. A wave of pain washed through me as I realized what I was going to have to give up for this choice.

"Oh, Bella!" He practically sang as he swooped me up in his arms and spun me around in the snow. "I knew you loved me! I knew we were meant to be together! But I never thought you'd realize it, blinded as you were by the bloodsucker's charms." Hearing his casual mention of Edward send new ripples of pain throughout my body.

Edward—my life and my heart for the past two years. The one person whose mere presence was enough to quiet every fear, every doubt, every insecurity I'd ever known. But even now, through all the hurt and guilt, I realized that he was only my security blanket. My promise that as long as he was around, I was going to be alright. My crutch, my guardian angel, but not my love. I knew that I needed more. I needed Jacob.


	2. Chapter 2

Resolution

Jacob was still chattering happily at me as I remained lost in my thoughts.

_What am I going to tell Edward? How do you say something like this? "Hey Edward, funny story, you remember all those times I told you I loved you? What I really meant was I love having you around to keep me safe! Isn't that funny?! I'm with Jake now, but we can still be friends, right?" _

Something told me that that wasn't the best way to handle it. Finally Jacob noticed my complete lack of joy and stopped talking. He moved closer to me and pulled my face up to look at him.

"Bella, you're crying," he said gently as he wiped the tears from my face, "what's wrong?"

"Jake," I whispered, not trusting myself to speak at a normal volume, "this is going to crush Edward. I've spent the last two years telling him I loved him, acting like I loved him! He loves me. He almost died for me. I don't think I can do this..."

"Bella! He said severely, "I will _not_ allow you to stay with _Edward,_" He said the name with a snarl, "just because you're too guilty to leave him! That's not fair to him or you!," he softened, "It's not fair to me. I love you Bella. I've loved you since the very first moment I saw you. I was convinced that I had my chance when the leech left you, and then he comes back and you forgive him, just like that!" He snapped his fingers. "I was willing to live with that because I was sure you loved him. Now that I know that's not the case, I'm not letting you get away." He pulled me into a big hug, his massive body enveloping me into a warm cocoon.

"Jake, it's so much more difficult than that! I was going to marry him, become like him and spend eternity with him. It was all planned out! This could very literally kill him."

"But you know it has to be done. For all our sakes." I nodded. I knew that I would have to sever ties with Edward. It would hurt. The pain that came when I even thought about leaving him nearly took my breath away. But at this point, it was unavoidable. It had to be done, and it had to be done now.

"Bella," Jake said seriously, "I am going to fight." I started to protest but he put his hand over my mouth to stop me, "You know me too well to think that I would miss this. But Edward has already promised to sit out with you. This would be the perfect time for you to tell him about this. About us. He loves you enough to respect your wishes, and I trust that he will keep you safe until I can come back for you." He leaned down and kissed me quickly and whispered, "I love you." Before he turned around and loped off happily toward the battle.

As soon as he was out of sight I began pacing. Edward had to have been listening, he'd promised not to, but then again he was expecting me to dump Jake. Wouldn't he want to hear that?

_No,_ I thought, _he would have respected my privacy. He knows how hard that would have been for me. He would have kept his word._ I instantly felt twenty times more guilty. He was such a truly honest, loving person. Probably one of the most kind-hearted individuals ever born, and I was about to break his heart. I was a monster. A cruel, inhumane monster.

I sensed more that heard movement behind me. I whirled around and saw Edward standing there with a somber look on his face. Did he really listen? Did he already know?

"How did he take it? Was he angry or just upset?" No, he hadn't listened after all.

"Edward, I-" He cut me off before I could finish.

"Bella, I swear I didn't think he'd take the news of our engagement so badly, but he had to know! I didn't think you were going to tell him so I just..." he paused, "I'm truly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt him, but most of all, I didn't mean to hurt you. To see you hurt is torture." The pain in his eyes proved the sincerity of his words.

I was wrong. This wouldn't kill Edward. This would kill me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, so here's the deal. I am loving writing this story. At first I started it because one of my friends (shelbym1112, her story is the !!) was writing one, and she made it seem like so much fun! But now I'm way into it, and I LOVE IT! Now, I know someone is reading it because I'm getting hits, so why not leave a review? As of right now I have no idea if you guys like it, and being as I have no reviews, I'm leaning towards, "It pretty much sucks!" So let me know!**

**P.S. I'm not sure what kind of variety of people are reading this, but as I mentioned in my summary, I am on Team Edward, so writing this is almost causing me physical pain!!**

Sufferings

Edward looked down on me, his topaz eyes softening at the stricken look on my face.

"Bella, love, it's over now, I know that was bad, but it's over now." He pulled me into an icy embrace, and I began to sniffle into his shirt. "I know, darling, I know. It hurts, but it's just you and me now. I'll make sure you never have to see his face again, if that's what you want. You can be happy. We can be happy!" He said as he kissed the top of my head. This was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever do.

"Edward, listen," I pulled against his embrace and he let me go. I promptly began staring at my feet, "There's something I need to tell you, but I don't know how to say it." He pulled my face up to look at his.

"You know you can tell me anything, Bella." He said softly, continuing to gaze lovingly down on me.

I took a deep breath and broke eye contact. I didn't want to see the look on his face when I said what I was about to say. I leaned back in slightly and his arms welcomed me. I buried my face in his shirt and began to speak. "Edward, I didn't dump Jacob just now."

"You didn't?" He sighed, "I should have known it would be too difficult for you by yourself; you're too close to him. You don't want to see him hurt. Bella, if you wish, I could talk to him for you. I promise, I could be a gentleman about it. I just want this behind us as soon as possible."

"No, Edward listen," I could feel tears coming again, thick and fast, "it's not that. When you left, Jacob was angry. So angry. And he told me," I sniffed, "he told me that he was going to let himself be killed in the battle. I couldn't let that happen Edward! I couldn't let him die! He said the only way I could stop him was to ask him-ask him to kiss me. So I did, and I thought that it would be just like last time, that I wouldn't feel a thing. I Thought he would get his kick and be done, but I was wrong! Edward, I did feel something, and I hate it! It kills me, because I felt love. I felt love stronger than anything I've ever felt in my entire life. And I want it." I felt Edward's arms stiffen around me. I tried to pull away but he held me fast. I looked up and saw the muscles in his jaw tighten they way they did when he was fighting for control of himself. I froze, never before had I been scared of him, but at this moment I was terrified. After what seemed like an eternity, his arms just dropped and I took a step back with a choking sob. I looked up at his face, but he would not meet my eyes.

"Edward!" I sobbed, "Please say something." He dragged his eyes up to meet mine and I saw the cold, emotionless stare there that he'd taken on a year ago in the woods outside my house.

"What would you like me to say?" He asked in a tone that matched his eyes.

"Tell me that I'm a tramp! That I deserve to die alone! That you never want to see my face again! Tell me that you hate me!!" At my words, fury flashed in his eyes.

"I will NEVER say that, Bella! If this is what you want, what you _truly_ want, then I cannot stand in the way of your happiness. But nothing you could do will _ever_ make me stop loving you! Yes, you may go with Jacob now, but I'll always be close enough to know when he screws up. And Bella, he will. Those dogs are not safe, and I will not let him hurt you."

"Jake would never hurt me." I mumbled through my tears.

"Don't you think Emily thought Sam would never hurt her?!" He yelled. "Bella, they lose control of themselves! Any one of them could maul and kill you before they even knew what they were doing! Don't you understand? How much Jacob cares for you is not the issue, you forget that I have access to his mind! I've had to put up with his adoration of you all night, there's no doubt that he loves you." He stopped yelling and dropped his eyes. "Which is why I can't fight him. I know what it's like to be denied the one I love and I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy, especially if you love him too." Sobs wracked my body. "Bella," he pulled me back into his arms, "you'll be fine. You can be happy now,"

_What kind of person was I?! I was breaking his heart, and he was comforting me? _

"Edward, please don't!" I pulled against his arms, and once again, he let me go. "Please don't try to make me feel better. I have absolutely ruined everything. But you have to know that I _do_ love you! If I didn't, this wouldn't be the hardest thing I've ever done. This wouldn't hurt like someone's cut out my heart. But this way is better for the both of us, don't you see? You have the rest of eternity to spend with someone who isn't inept at everything. Someone you don't have to save every five minutes. Someone beautiful."

"No..." he said sadly, "there is no one for me. In the 100 years that I've been alive, there has never been anyone for _me._ I'll keep watch around the tent until Jacob comes back."

He took off into the woods leaving me sobbing in the snow.


	4. Chapter 4

**While the name of the chapter may lead you to believe that this is the end of my story, it's definitely not. This was once again a tough chapter to write, and I'm sorry it's so short, but it kind of had to be. Not setting anything in stone, but this will most likely be the only chapter written from Edward's POV...so enjoy this peek into his oh-so-complicated mind while you can :D**

**PLEASE REVIEW!!**

Endings

I was frantic. There were so many emotions coursing through my body that it was impossible for me to sort them out. I was unspeakably furious at Jacob, and I was breathless with sorrow at losing my Bella. But the word that kept flashing through my mind was, _helpless._ I was completely helpless. Any action I could take to prevent what was happening would unavoidably hurt Bella, and that was not an option.

_You spineless coward! Go back and fight for her! Tear that mutt limb from limb! Show her who the real man is!_

_No! Bella deserves to be happy! She has one shot at humanity and I won't let her spend it being miserable. I won't make her change for me, only to spend eternity wondering what if..._

_But look at all you've done for her! You exiled yourself for months to keep her safe! You almost killed yourself, just because you thought she was dead! SHE OWES YOU!_

_The smile on her face was payment enough. Besides, maybe she's right, maybe I can find someone else... _

I fought with myself for what seemed like years while I circled the tent just outside the snow, listening to Bella's choking sobs. _How can this make her happy? _I thought. But I could not force myself on her, I would not do that. I would give up everything to make sure she was safe and happy. Even if it hurt worse than any pain I'd ever experienced. Even if it made me wish for death in a way I never thought possible.

I heard a rustling noise and smelled an awful stench. The dog was back. I was in such a state of blind emotion I had forgotten to listen to the fight. It must have gone alright, judging by the thick purple smoke rising from various locations in the forest and the happy thoughts that Jacob was practically shouting in his mind. I focused in to hear exactly what he was thinking.

_So this is what it feels like to have everything you could possibly want. This is truly the best day of my life. _He Paused. _Oh no, Bella is still crying...she must have talked to him already. Dang, and he left her!_ He paused again. _No, I smell him. Edward, _he addressed me in his mind, _if you're listening, I'm really sorry about the way things worked out for you. But in all fairness, I told you I'd be fighting hard too...and this _is_ what she wants. I want to thank you for watching over her for me this last time. _This thought infuriated me. I charged in the direction from which his thoughts were originating.

I charged to the clearing where Jacob was just out of earshot of Bella's sobbing form.

"If you think that this is the last time I will watch over her, you're INSANE! I know how you and your pack of mangy mutts are, I know how ruled you are by the moment, I know the danger that you are putting Bella into at this very moment, and I _will not_ let you hurt her. She may love you, and you two may be destined to be together for the rest of your lives, but then again, you may kill her. Trust me, Bella will be the most looked after woman on the face of the Earth. Just remember that I'm watching."

Before he even had time to take a breath I spun on my heel and ran off into the dark forest.


	5. Chapter 5

Closure

_The Next day..._

I was finally back home. Between all that had happened with Jake and Edward on top of the battle, my nerves were shot, and I'd been in bed all day. Out of force of habit I'd opened my window before I went to sleep, even though I'd known he wasn't going to come. There were so many things about Edward that I was going to miss, although I tried hard not to think about it.

_If it hurts this bad, how can it possibly be the right choice for me?_

That was the question that had been bouncing around in my head ever since Edward had left me in the clearing. It was worse than when he'd chosen to leave me. I was forcing this on myself and somehow that made the pain more intense.

Jake had called ten times already and it was only one in the afternoon. Every time Charlie had come to tell me to pick up the phone, I'd rolled over and feigned sleep. I just couldn't handle Jake's happiness right now. Soon I would be spending every waking moment with him, I was sure. That's the way I wanted it. But right now, I needed alone time. Time to reflect, and just be miserable. The next time he saw me, I was going to be the old Bella; happy Bella. A Bella that he could be proud to call his. I'd promised myself that when I saw the pain it had cause him to see me crying over Edward.

I was poring over these thoughts for the millionth time when I thought I heard the curtains swishing around.

_It's just the wind Bella, _I thought, scolding myself, _why would he ever want to see you again?_

"Bella?" I heard a tentative yet familiar voice say. I sat upright so fast it made me dizzy

"Edward?! What are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to talk to you before...well you probably won't see me again. At least not for a very long time, and our conversation yesterday ended too badly for it to be our last one. But if you want me to leave..."

"No!" I almost yelled, "Stay. You're right, we do need to talk. I'll go first since this is all my fault." He looked like he was about to protest so I continued quickly. "I never, ever set out to hurt you, Edward, and I want you to know that every single time I said I love you, it was absolutely true. I still love you, and I will always love you. You will have a place in my heart always and forever. But yesterday when Jake kissed me, I realized that I love you and him differently. I love you because you are my guardian angel, my protector. I love him because I can completely let go, and be fun, stupid, random Bella. To stay with you, when all I was doing was risking both of our lives for a love that wasn't really true...that's not fair to you at all. I can't do that to you." I looked down, willing myself not to cry. I would dehydrate soon if I didn't get a grip on my tear ducts.

"Bella," he whispered, I looked back up at him and saw the thick white envelope he was holding out to me, "this is for you." I took it and saw my name written in his personal calligraphy. "I don't know what the future holds for you any more. I don't know if our paths will ever cross again. As long as you are happy and _safe_," he greatly emphasized the word, "I will accept your choice with as much grace as possible. I want you to take that letter and put it in a place where you will not see it unless you're looking for it, and you must not open it." I nodded, confused. "You'll know when the time is right to open it, but you must promise me, Bella, that you will not open it until then."

"I promise, Edward." I turned around and placed the letter in the center of my dresser. I turned back around to find him much closer to me. Before I could even think he was kissing me, showing less restraint than normal.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought, _He's kissing me goodbye. _But I was too far gone to fully process that thought.

He finally broke away and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me. He held me for a prolonged moment, then kissed the top of my forehead and whispered, "Goodbye my Bella...my love." and just like that he was gone, the curtains swishing lightly as though a gentle breeze was blowing. Tears leaked from the corners of my eyes.

I picked the envelope up off the dresser, opened my closet door, and slid it under the spare blankets on the top shelf.

_These are the last tears that I will cry for Edward_, I vowed. I squared my shoulders, walked across the room, and closed the window.

**Ok guys, so far this story has been a bunch of doom and gloom, but this is the last chapter of that, I promise! The next one will be significantly more happy, I swear!! But I want to get everything right, make sure that everyone gets their say, and nothing is jumbled or confused. So seriously, let me know what you think!! I pretty much have the story mapped out from beginning to end, but if there's something you want to see, let me know and I'll put it into my box of consideration! (lol, Shelby) So review, I need feedback!!**

**Peace!**


	6. Your opinions please?

**Ok guys, so I just finished reading Breaking Dawn. It is currently 9:03 p.m. and I began reading it at around 1:00 ish this morning. I LOVED IT. I'm definitely not going to post spoilers or anything like that, but let me just tell you, it is SO worth reading. It was absolutely amazing. Even more amazing though are the bad reviews it's getting. FROM TWILIGHT FANS. I know, I was outraged too! ha ha, but I was actually thinking...and you have to let me know what you think. So this series is a BIG deal, and it will be for a LOOOOOONG time. But, now that the series has a definite end, is the interest in this story going to keep up? Now that we know how it ends, should I keep messing with it? I love writing this story, but if you guys are (understandably) tired of it, let me know, k? **

**But now, I'm going to take a well deserved nap...let me know what you think!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Alright, so it's been forever since I've updated, but this week has been insane! All the buzz about Breaking Dawn, and going back to school...it's been crazy, but I'm back and ready to go...so I present chapter seven!**

Bliss

_Three Months Later_

I was laughing so loud that it was obnoxious, but I was past the point of caring. I sat at the table in the restaurant surrounded by my wolfish friends and listened to them tell their completely inappropriate jokes, and laughed harder than I ever had. Jake sat next to me with his arm casually slung over the back of my chair. The past couple of months had shown everyone just how much of a couple we were. We literally spent every moment together. Jacob actually spent most nights crashed on our couch, and Charlie was so happy that I'd chosen Jake that he never said a word. Only to add Charlie's joy was the fact that Edward-the Cullens had moved out of Forks shortly after that day...that day that I didn't think about. Those thoughts were packed neatly into a drawer that was locked tight forever in the back of my mind.

"So Bella," Paul said, leaning across the table, "you didn't get to know our Jake until he was what? Fifteen? There are so many stories you haven't heard! I remember this one time-"

"Shut up, Paul," Jake said, good-naturedly reaching out and punching his shoulder, "Bella doesn't want to hear those stories!" He turned to me, "do you Hon?"

I grinned, "Actually-" He cut me off

"Would you look at the time! Our movie's going to start soon, Bells, we gotta jet!" He turned back to the guys, "It was fun guys, see ya back home!" They instantly started a string of protests,

"Aw come on!"

"Jake, where ya going?"

"Are we not invited, Jakey?" He rolled his eyes.

"No guys, it's a date, duh." He took my hand and we headed out the door, chatting along the way.

"I really like going out with those guys. It makes me feel like I have 10 big brothers...it's nice." I sighed happily. Jake rolled his eyes again.

"Yeah, nice for you. You have no embarrassing stories to be picked out of your brain. I swear, sometimes I just need to get away from them! They drive me crazy!!" I touched his arm,

"Hey," He looked down at me, "You're not really upset are you? They were just fooling around, no harm. You know that those stupid stories don't make me think differently of you."

The crease that had formed between his eyebrows smoothed, "Yeah, I know, Bells. Let's hurry, though! We're gonna miss the movie!" He grabbed my hand and ran, and I hung on for dear life, laughing the whole way.

We made our way to the middle of the theater, "for optimal movie viewing!" Jake had assured me. I followed, simply happy to be with him.

"This is the perfect movie for us!" He said happily, "Nice and scary for me, with a love story at the center of the plot for you! We can't go wrong!"

I giggled, "So what's so scary about this movie, huh? I hope it's not about werewolves," I made a terrified face, "they scare me to death!"

He leaned close to me and snarled softly in my ear, "Oh really? Then you better lean in close, cause I hear that's exactly what this movie's about." He laughed and we snuggled up for the film.

The opening credits began with eerie music and a full moon in the back ground. I stifled a giggle, looking up at Jake, who rolled his eyes. "Stupid human assumptions." I whisper giggled and turned my attention back to the screen where an unseen monster was chasing a young girl in a forest. She ran for a good minute and a half, screaming the entire way, before she inevitably fell and her pursuer caught up with her. The camera zoomed in on her face as a man's deep voice said,

"I've got you now beautiful!" She screamed. "Go ahead, scream all you want, my dear, there's no one around to hear you!" The camera finally cut to the attackers face, which was incredibly handsome. He had deep blue eyes, a perfectly straight nose, a mouth just begging to be kissed, and- my mind froze. Every muscle in my body locked down. I heard a sharp intake of breath beside me.

Protruding from this monster's mouth was a pair of fangs. Sharp and shiny, quickly moving to bite the neck of the young girl. I felt Jacob's panicked gaze on me, and I composed my face, showing no emotion whatsoever.

"Oh God, Bella! I didn't know! I swear..." he whispered frantically, "let's get out of here!"

"Why?" I asked hoping that all he heard in my voice was curiosity. He looked at me, amazed, but seemingly unwilling to say it out loud.

"Let's just go. You don't have to be brave." I was insanely relieved. There was no way I would have made it through that movie, but I couldn't let Jake know that seeing a vampire in a movie had affected me so much.

The ride home was silent until I asked, "Are you staying tonight?"

A slow grin spread across his face as he replied, "If that's what you want."

"That will always be what I want, to be with you." I squeezed his hand and nestled back into the car seat. It was so easy being with him. I looked down at the dashboard.

"Holy crow!" I shouted, "It's almost midnight! We have to get home!" Jake chuckled.

"Really Bella, do you think Charlie will say a word?" I wrinkled my nose and smiled.

"No, probably not." The prejudice that Charlie showed might have infuriated me a few months earlier, or even now if I were allowing myself to think of the past. Which I wasn't.

We finally arrived home, still in comfortable silence. I pecked Jake on the cheek before heading upstairs for the night, but he caught my wrist and spun me around, his lips finding mine with ease. He kissed me with less caution, and much less restraint, as if he was trying to remind me. That he was the one for me, that I had chosen him. That he loved me.

As if I needed reminding.


	8. Chapter 8

Dreams

I woke up in a cold sweat all tangled up in my sheets. I hadn't screamed this time, but Charlie and Jake were such heavy sleepers that it wouldn't have mattered if I had. No one would come to comfort me. Being alone at night had brought back my old abandonment nightmares, but thankfully I didn't have them as often as I had when—I redirected my thoughts.

It was true, the dreams were infrequent, usually only after I'd been under some extreme stress, which didn't happen very often when I was with Jake. But when I did have them, they were _much_ more terrifying. Before, I'd always known that there was something to search for in the dark. Something to hope for. But now there was nothing but dark. A dark oppressive black that made it hard to breathe, to even think.

I lay back down. _You're being stupid, Bella, get a grip! _I thought to myself angrily. _No one's abandoned you! You're happy now! You have the perfect life. The perfect home. the perfect...Jacob._ I smiled as pictures of my Jacob floated behind my eyelids, and peacefully drifted back to sleep.

I was walking through the forest outside my house. There was a hand in mine; not hot enough to be Jake's, but not cold enough to be...his. I looked to my left and saw Charlie walking along with me, matching my steps, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"Charlie?! What's wrong?" I asked, using his name in my state of half panic.

"Oh Bella!" He said, smiling through his tears, "I've just never felt so happy!" He sniffled, "You look so beautiful!

I looked down and saw that I was wearing a frilly white wedding dress. I looked ahead, horror-struck, and saw that a wide pathway had been cleared out in the middle of the forest, and white bows and ribbons had been tied to all the trees on either side. I strained my eyes and saw the clearing up ahead. It looked just like the meadow...but that didn't belong in these woods. Did it?

"What in the world is going on?" I asked Charlie, my voice cracking with anxiety.

"Bells, honey, it's your wedding day!" He said joyously.

We emerged into the clearing where hundreds of faceless people were standing facing towards me, clapping.

I turned my horrified gaze to the altar where my groom was smiling down on me. It took me a second to register the fact that it was Mike Newton! Not only that, his groomsmen were Jacob and Edward, who were both beaming and nodding at me in encouragement.

I felt Charlie let go of my hand and realized that we'd reached the end of the aisle. I took my place in front of Mike and felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned and a teary-eyed Jessica Stanley took the flowers I hadn't been aware I was carrying. My maid of honor was Jessica? It just kept getting worse!! I turned back around to see the priest addressing Mike.

"Do you?" He asked somberly.

"I do!" He answered, smiling. The priest turned to me.

"Do you?" So much for ceremony.

"Ummm...I do?" Mike's grin widened. He leaned in close, just like he was going to kiss me. Instead he said,

"Awesome! You really are a traitor!"

"What?! No! I-" But before I got a chance to say anything, Mike leaned the rest of the way forward and gave me a hard shove. I toppled over backwards, braced for impact, but it didn't come. I just kept falling. The last things I saw were Edward's and Jacobs smiling faces before that crippling black swallowed me up again.

This time I screamed, and bolted up right once again, sobbing. I put my head in my hands and continued to cry.

"Traitor!!" I sobbed incoherently over and over.

An icy breeze blew through my room and I looked up. My window was open. Had I opened it? I didn't remember...Another breeze blew and I wiped my face. This was silly, it was just a dream. A horribly accurate dream, but a dream nonetheless.

The cold breeze soothed me and I lay down, yet again, knowing that sleep was not in my near future. All was silent as I focused on making my breaths even, eventually beginning to tire. A steady breeze blew once more through my room and my last thought before unconsciousness was that I thought I heard my lullaby drifting in softly with it.


	9. Chapter 9

Subconscious

"Hey, Jake! Didn't expect to see you here so late in the morning!"

"Morning, Charlie," I said groggily, "Bella's still asleep. She hasn't said anything, but I think she's having her nightmares again. I figure she aught to sleep in whenever she can." Charlie smiled warmly at me.

"You really love her don't ya?" I nodded. "I'd never say this around her, but ditching that Cullen boy was the best choice she's ever made. After her left her the way he did…" he shuddered as he remembered Zombie Bella, "well, you two are just perfect for each other. I know you won't take her away from me like he would have."

I chuckled uncomfortably. He was more right than he knew. "I just want to make her happy, and I'm selfish enough to make sure that I will _always_ make her happy."

Charlie guffawed, "Ha! Well, I see the way she looks at you and let me tell you, you won't have to true too hard! She adores you!!"

I genuinely laughed, "Who wouldn't?" We sat in comfortable silence for a while before Charlie asked,

"So, what are your plans for tonight?"

I looked at my watching, "Well, I thought we might go hang out to go the beach and then go out for dinner tonight. But it's getting late in the day so we may have to skip the beach and just hang out here."

"Sounds good. I gotta head to work, but you kids have fun!"

"We will, Charlie, thanks!"

After he'd gone the house was silent. I crept upstairs to see if Bella was still asleep. I opened her door and saw her all curled up ad breathing peacefully. I was about to leave when I noticed that her window was open. She never left it open…she said it made her uncomfortable.

I crossed the room and started to close it when I smelled something I'd hoped I'd never smell again. I slammed the window and took off down the stairs and out the front door. He'd been here. Edward had actually come here last night! I caught the scent again and followed its wide circle around the house to Bella's window. He hadn't gone in, just looked through her window.

_He's checking up on her! _ I thought, outraged.

I rand back up to Bella's room and threw open her closet. I grabbed a pair of jeans and the frumpy blue sweater that was, for some reason, Bella's favorite. I put these things over my shoulder and went over to the bed to scoop Bella up. I cradled her still-sleeping body and started down the stairs, thanking God the whole way that I'd drive here last night instead of run.

I gently placed her in the passenger seat and buckled her up, somehow managing not to wake her, and pulled out, driving like a madman toward the line. Once we reached it I eased up and turned in my seat to see Bella slumped over, still deeply asleep. She must have had a rough night. I reached over and smoothed her hair down as we pulled into my driveway.

Bill rolled out, "What's going on, Son?" I was halfway to the house, Bella cradled in my arms again. I ground my teeth.

"Later." I growled softly. He nodded and gave me room to pass. I carried her into my room and laid her on my bed where I covered her with my thin blanket, then grabbed another from the closet. Heading was not a priority here. I closed the door quietly and went to find Billy.

"Hey, Dad," I said when I found him in the living room.

"Jake, what's the matter? Has something happened?" He asked, concern etched in every line of his face.

"Nothing really, Edward was just outside her house last night."

Billy was horrified, "He didn't touch her did he? He didn't hurt her?"

"No," I said tiredly," He didn't even go in the house. He was just making sure I hadn't mauled her!" I flopped down on the couch and covered my eyes.

"Jake-"

"Save it, Dad, I need a nap!" I snapped. I heard him roll away, and promptly fell asleep.

I don't know how long I slept before I felt Bella inching her way between my crossed arms. I opened my eyes and she smiled up at me.

"Your room is freezing." I looked at her sarcastically.

"Yes, well I'll have to get my dad to fix that! I may get hypothermia!!" She laughed. God, how I loved that laugh.

"Well, we mere mortals don't do well in arctic environments!"

"In that case, let me warm you up!" I pulled her face up to mine and kissed her.

I remembered so clearly the first time I'd tried to kiss her, how unresponsive she was, how in happy it had made her. All because she was so crazy about that parasite!

She pulled away, "Jake, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" I asked, praying my voice came off as innocent.

"I mean, I went to sleep in _my_ bed, and woke up in yours." I waggled my eyebrows,

"Sometimes you just go where the passion takes you!" She giggled and slapped my arm playfully.

"Seriously Jake, it's not gonna happen! Now, really, what's going on?" I faked disappointment before lying through my teeth.

"Well, I've been cooped up at your house for a solid week; I could use a change of scenery. And since I never go anywhere without _you_ and you ere asleep…well, I didn't think you'd mind."

"Jake, if you wanted to get out somewhere you should have told me! Seriously, let's go out tonight!"

"I was actually going to suggest that. I'd like to go to a decent restaurant though, no McDonalds!"

She laughed, and in that one moment I felt guiltier than I'd ever felt. Should she know that Edward was keeping tabs on her? Would that help or hurt her? I was pondering all this when she began to push her way out of my arms.

"Where are you going?" I asked, sad to have all the empty space between my arms again.

"If we're going somewhere nice, I need to get ready!" She laughed and disappeared into my room.

"We were on our way back from dinner, completely stuffed and completely content. I thought Bella had drifted off, but suddenly she turned toward me.

"Jake, I'm sleeping at my house tonight, and I want you to sleep at yours. You're right; it isn't fair of me to coop you up all the time. Go home!"

"Aw Bells," I said, rolling my eyes, "come on! You _had_ to know that wasn't going to fly."

She sighed, "It was worth a shot."

"Isabella," I said, looking at her intently, "I will always and forever be where you are."

She smiled, "Do you promise?"

"I swear."

"Good. Look, Charlie didn't even wait up for us!" She said, giggling again. When was the last time she'd been THIS happy?

"No, no he didn't" I responded tonelessly. I unlocked the door and walked her up to her room where I kissed her goodnight and left her to sleep.

I lay down on my makeshift couch-bed and tried to sleep. It was impossible. I couldn't stop thinking about Cullen in her window, watching her sleep. After about an hour of this mental torture I threw back my blanket and crept upstairs. I silently opened her door and padded over to the window, locked it, and crossed the room to her bed. She was sleeping peacefully, curled up in a little ball. I lay down next to her, wrapping my arms around her. I within seconds she was thrashing around mumbling frantically.

"Can't…too hot! Can't find…dark! Can't find…Edward!!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Alrighty, so here's the dealio. I have been super, SUPER busy. I am currently working three jobs, going to high school, and managing a soccer team. So...yeah. My social calender is FULL. But this story is getting ready to take a drastic turn. I'm not sure if it's what you guys expect though. MUHAHAHAH! lol, jk. But n e wayz...I present chapter ten.**

**Sugar We're Going Down**

She had never shown conscious signs of still loving me. She had never said anything to indicate that she missed me, or that she was unhappy with Jacob. That's what had kept me at bay during her nightmares. But tonight I would not be able to control myself.

"Edward!" I heard Bella mumble frantically. I saw Jacob freeze, and the vibrations start up his spine. He wouldn't...

He stiffly pulled his arms from around her, got up, and left the room. I could see the effort it took him to not slam the door. I listened to him tiptoe downstairs and out the front door where he phased and ran off into the woods. He just left her? After he saw how terrified she was? Stupid mutt!! I jumped up to the window where I tried to slide it open, but it was locked. Did he _want_ her to be miserable? I ran to the front door and took the key from it's hiding place and went in, feeling, for the first time, that I wasn't welcome here. I crept up the stairs, smiling to myself, know that I was quieter than Jacob had been.

I reached her room, took a deep breath, and turned the doorknob. She was still mumbling, mostly incoherently, sometimes I'd catch my name, and I know that no matter how much pain this would end up causing me, it was worth it for her peace of mind. crossed the room, which smelled absolutely awful, and laid my had on her forehead. She instantly quieted.

BPV

It was worse than the black. It was a searing red, all around, and so hot that it was all I could do to drag air in and out of my lungs. Tonight it became very clear what I was searching for, and that made it even harder. My goal was to find the one thing that I could never have. Edward. I sobbed, the air burning my lungs with every breath. It was hopeless. I was hopeless. A terrible person! Wasn't there someone I was supposed to love? I thought hard, but couldn't remember. This thought brought on another round of sobs, how could I forget someone I was supposed to love? I was a monster!

Suddenly the red was gone, replaced with billions and billions of diamonds, sparkling from some unseen source of light. My spirits immediately lifted. I could not see him, but this atmosphere screamed his presence. I gazed in wonder around me; it was truly beautiful. I even imagined I could smell his delicious scent. I relaxed, not even remembering why I'd been so upset in the first place.

JPV

I ran. I was beyond the fury, beyond the sorrow. I was totally beyond feeling. I just ran, returning, out of instinct, to my home. No one else was phased at the momen, everyone in their right wind was asleep at this hour, which was great because I just couldn't face an interrogation right now.

When I reached my house I stopped at the door and strained my ears, listening for Billy. I heard the drone of some late show in the living room. He was still awake, which meant I was sleeping in The Rabbit tonight. I just couldn't face his sympathy.

I padded around to the garage, still not phasing back. being a wolf wasn't so bad when you only had your own thoughts and problems to deal with. Maybe I'd just sleep this way tonight. I found a comfortable spot and curled up, fall asleep surprisingly fast for my current emotional state.

I woke up the next morning to a pair of tiny hands roughly pounding my shoulder.

"Get up!" Yelled a voice I recognized as Leah's. I didn't open my eyes. "Come on!" She said, somehow managing to sound _more_ impatient. I snarled menacingly. "Yeah yeah, you're real scary, Jakey! Now I'm going to walk away and you're going to phase and put on some clothes. It's four in the afternoon, and I want to run without dealing with your dreams about Bella!!" I heard her walk way and begrudgingly got up and phased, grabbing a set of close I'd stashed in the garage. I walked outside and stretched, yawning.

"So what are you doing separated from your other half" I heard Leah ask sarcastically from behind me. I whirled around to retort back but stopped dead. When my eyes landed on her, I swear the Earth shifted under my feet. The entire gravity of my being shifted, and all other thoughts were flung from my head except one awed musing,

_So this is what imprinting is like..._

**Tee Hee! Cliffhanger!! I love it though!! I hope you guys do too! Review and let me know!!**


	11. Chapter 11

That's What You Get When you Let your Heart Win

_That's what You Get- Paramore_

"Are you deaf?! I said-" she stopped when she finally got a good look at my face. "Holy crap Jake...did you-"

"Leah." One word. Her name. The only name in the world that would ever matter. I caressed it with my voice. It was beautiful.

"Jacob..." She said softly, her voice shaking. "Jake...I-you-we-Bella?!" She said incoherently.

"Who?" I asked, dazedly.

"BELLA!" She screamed at me, "ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! THE WOMAN THAT YOU'VE SPENT THE LAST FOUR MONTHS ATTATCHED TO! THE ONE YOU DREAM ABOUT EVER NIGHT! THAT BELLA!"

Her ear-splitting screeches knocked the sense back into me. Bella. Crap. My girlfriend. The one I forced away from the person who I was now sure she was _supposed _to be with.

_What have I done?_

"Oh geez" I sighed. "Bella. But what, Leah, don't you-?"

"Jake, if I have to say it now, then yes, I've liked you for a long time. But you have other concerns. I'll meet you here tonight. Go talk to Bella."

I nodded, and turned to leave. It was excruciating to leaver her standing alone there when all I wanted to do was take her in my arms and never let her go. But I knew if I didn't leave now, I'd never leave. So I walked back to The Rabbit and started it up. La Push, and my Precious Leah, were behind me in a matter of seconds.

I pulled up to Bella's house honking my horn twice, as was my custom. Normally Bella would come running out the front door at this point, but I didn't see so much as a pair of eyes peeking out the blinds. Where was she? I climbed out of the car and went through the front door, not bothering to knock. No one would mind. I started upstairs towards Bella's room, and I heard the shower running. _Ooh! She wasn't ignoring me. She just didn't hear me._ That did not make me feel better. It would be so much easier if she were already mad at me for some reason. But that wasn't how my Bells worked...

I went to wait for her in her room, but when I walked in I was accosted by the smell of bleach. I looked around and saw that the blankets, sheets, and pillowcases were stripped off the bed.

"What the.." I heard the shower shut off. Show time.

--

BPV

I stepped out of the shower and dressed quickly, knowing that Jake was already here. I'd heard him coming up the stairs, and had flown into a state of panic. How could I be normal around Jake when all I could think about was Edward?

Yes, my thoughts had been 100 focused on him since my dream last night, and I was shocked to find out that it didn't hurt nearly as much as I'd thought it would. I was fascinated by how real the whole thing had seemed. How I felt his cold touch exactly as I remembered it. But the most disquieting thing of all was that when I woke up this morning, I could smell him on my pillow and in my hair. Rationally, I knew that it HAD to be left over from the dream, but I had ripped off every fabric from the bed and washed them twice, and bleached every hard surface. If Jacob found out...I shuddered at the road those thoughts were going down.

Finally, dressed and breathing normally again, I prepared myself to face Jacob when I realized I had no way of explaining my drastic measures in cleaning my room. I quickly opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed an ace bandage and some gauze (Charlie kept an arsenal of medical supplies for obvious reasons) and wrapped them on my right forearm. I was ready now.

I walked down the hall and grabbed my bedclothes out of the dryer on the way to my room. I walked in and found Jake sitting on my naked bed. I smiled,

"Hey Hon! I was disappointed to wake up alone this morning." I tried my hardest to sound normal.

"Yeah, well I came up to check on you and you were having a nightmare and screaming and stuff, so I went home to get some peace and quiet."

I'm not going to lie, I was a little offended at this. He heard me screaming in terror so he went home so he could sleep? What a jerk!

"Oh," I said, hurt seeping into my tone. He didn't soften in the slightest. "Well that's ok then. You need sleep."

"Yeah. So listen, what's up with your room?" And here came the lie.

"Well," I said, clearing my throat awkwardly, "I was opening some mail last night," I gestured at the letter opener on my desk, "and I had a letter from Renee, and I was a little excited and slipped." I showed him my bandaged arm. "And you know how I get about blood...I don't think any actually got on my blankets, but I didn't want to take a chance. It was definitely all over my desk..so i just bleached everything. I hope you can take the smell..." This seemed to affect him a little. He didn't like to see me hurt.

"Here, let me take a look at your arm, maybe I can-" He reached for my "injured arm" but I jerked away.

"No!!" He looked confused. "I just got the wound clean. If I take the bandage off it'll get all germy." I said lamely. I could tel by looking at him that he didn't believe me, but he dropped it. We sat there awkwardly for a few minutes. This was odd, things were NEVER awkward between he and I. I was anxious, and I felt horribly guilty, and while I expected him to be reading those emotions on my face, I was actually seeing the same ones on _his_ face.

"So what's wrong with you?"

"I could ask you the same question!" He snapped back. I recoiled.

"I didn't mean to offend you, Jake, you just seemed upset. You didn't kiss me...heck, you didn't even hug me." A pained look shot across his face, but was gone before I could analyze it. He pulled me into an embrace and kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry, Bells, I'm just...distracted today. But don't worry about it, ok?" I sighed.

"Alright Jake. Listen...do you think maybe we've been spending too much time together? I mean, we've pretty much been attached at the hip for months now...maybe we just need a little space." I felt him stiffen.

"Is that what you want?" I thought for a second.

"I think it's what we need. I definitely do NOT want to break up with you. And I'm not suggesting space as in months. Just maybe three or four days. We'll call, but we won't see each other." I smiled mischievously, "And just think how great our reunion will be."

He chuckled uncomfortably, "Yeah, I think that might be a good idea." he let me go. So I'll head back to the reservation then. I'll call you tonight, ok?"

"Alright." I said, pain stabbing through my heart. Why had he been so eager to accept this? Something was wrong here. He leaned down and planted a quick kiss on my lips and was gone.

I walked over to my dresser and opened the top drawer, feeling hollow. I dug around until I found what I was looking for. I pulled out my tiny silver jewelry box and opened it, pulling out my most prized possession. I unclasped the bracelet and put it on. It had been so long since I'd worn it. I touched the tiny wolf before marveling over the beautiful diamond heart. I held it up to the window where it caught the sunlight, and spent the rest of the day dazedly watching the rainbows dance across the wall.


	12. Chapter 12

Congratulations

By the time I got back to La Push my encounter with Bella was already forgotten. All I wanted was to see my Leah again. I pulled into the garage, already shaking. I hopped out quickly and phased, groaning mentally as I saw my shredded clothes falling around me. I refocused and listened for Leah.

_Holy crap...I still can't believe he imprinted on me! I thought that was supposed to happen the __very__ first time you saw the person after becoming a werewolf! I don't understand. And why me? I mean...he's so perfect, he's the rightful leader of the back! He could literally have any girl he--_

Her thoughts stopped abruptly; she knew I was listening. I phased back and ran into the house. I didn't know what Billy had been doing with himself lately but he wasn't ever around the house anymore. But I had more important things to worry about. I dressed quickly and ran back outside to find Leah standing on my doorstep.

"Leah, I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's fine." She said, blushing slightly. "I should have phased back before I started my mental rant." She continued, looking down.

"Well, do you wanna go for a walk?" I asked, horrified to realize that I sounded shy.

"Sure," She said, continuing to stare at the ground. I reached down and intertwined my fingers with hers, and guided her down my driveway.

We walked in contented silence a little way into the woods, and stopped at the first clearing we came to. I sat, and she sat so close to me she was nearly in my lap.

"So, we need to talk about this." She said after a couple minutes.

"Yeah...I guess we do."

"So my first, and obvious, question is, what about Bella?" I squinted at first, not understanding, but then remembered that despite all that had happened in the past two days, Bella was still my girlfriend.

"Well," I said nervously, "she's been having dreams about Edward lately...so I think things between us wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway. Sometimes I would watch her when she wasn't paying attention, and she would have the saddest look in her eyes. I'm obviously not good for her."

"So you guys broke up?" She asked, sadness at the edges of her elated tone.

I sighed, "Not exactly." Her eyes widened and she began to pull away but I held her fast. "No listen," I said urgently. "When I talked to her today, she was all...weird. She suggested that we stay away from each other for a few days. We're winding down, love. At the end of these three days apart, I'll tell her about us, but for now we should just enjoy our privacy." I grinned and, before she could protest, I caught her lips with mine, and she melted.

It was bliss, plain and simple. A warmth that I'd never felt before enveloped me and I was purely happy for the first time in my life. We broke apart and Leah collapsed into my chest.

"Jake...I love you." She whispered into my shirt.

"I love you too my precious Leah...I love you too." I whispered back. We lay there for who knows how long before she looked up at me and smiled.

"So how do you explain this delay in imprinting? Shouldn't this have happened forever ago?" She asked curiously.

"Well, I've been thinking about that too. My theory is that I was so wrapped up in Bella that I didn't even give myself the option of imprinting. Last night when Bella dreamed about Edward, I guess it shook my faith in us...and I imprinted." She shrugged.

"Not that I care why it happened, I was just wondering." She stretched up and kissed me again, and I thought I would die of happiness. Surely there was nothing on Earth that could make me happier than I was right then.

I suddenly remembered the little white box I had stored in my nightstand a few weeks back, before any of this had happened. I was hit by blinding realization. I broke the kiss.

"Leah, stay right here, I have something for you." I said, pecking her cheek swiftly before taking off, not even bothering to phase.

Two weeks ago I had taken Bella's best friend, Angela, into Seattle with me pick out a ring for Bella. I had been waiting for the exact right moment to give it to her...a moment that, for Bella, would never come from me. The ring had been meant for Leah all along.

I crashed through the doorway and headed straight for my room. I heard Billy on the phone with someone in the kitchen, but I didn't stop. I grabbed the box and headed back out front door. I was back with Leah in less than five minutes.

"Leah, my darling," I said, getting down on one knee, "I know that this thing between us is brand new, but I know that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you. I know that we were meant to be together, and I am so, SO sorry for making you wait this long for me. Will you marry me?"

She was already crying when I finished. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She cleared her throat and tried again, nothing. Finally, after a painfully long moment she nodded, and I laughed so loud it shook the earth around us. I scooped her up in a gigantic hug and slipped the diamond ring on her finger. We laughed and cried for what seemed like hours before we both stood up and brushed ourselves off.

"Billy is going to be so confused!" said Leah, grinning from ear to ear.

"I don't care what Billy or anyone else thinks, love. This is perfect. We are perfect. We should get back though, it's getting kind of late, and Billy's probably wondering where I am. We can share our good news with him." She giggled and stared, once again, down at her ring.

"Let's go." Our hands once again intertwined, we began the walk home, chatting happily the whole way.

As we reached the front door, I saw curtains twitch in the window. Billy was so nosy! We walked in, both of us grinning like idiots.

The first thing I registered was Billy, his wheelchair directly in our way, a nervous look on his face.

The second thing I registered was Bella. Sitting on my couch. Staring, horrified, at the diamond ring, glinting merrily from the left hand I had clasped in mine.


	13. Chapter 13

A Little Bit Longer

For just a few short hours, my life was completely and utterly simple. I sat in my room, making the rainbows dance across my wall, pretending that Edward was behind me, the sun on his skin making those rainbows. I held our reunion conversation in my head, wishing in some corner of my mind that we'd ever have it.

_Edward...don't think I expect you to forgive me for this. _

_For what, love?_ I would then look at him incredulously

_For forcing you out of my life. For making you believe that I didn't want you. Telling you that I loved someone more than you. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made._

_It can't have been a mistake Bella, it made you happy. For however short a period of time, you were happy with him. _He would then wrap his arms around me and nuzzle my neck. _I've missed you_, he would whisper in my ear. And I would know that he would never reveal to me the depth of the agony I left him in.

_I've missed you too, Edward. _And then, he would twirl me so fast I wouldn't have time to realize I'd moved, and kiss me. More than likely with less restraint than normal to make up for lost time.

This was the point where everything would rewind and play itself over in my head. I realized that this was not normal, that it was actually not healthy or sane. But I didn't care. I didn't care how much it would hurt when I had to snap back to reality. It was worth it for the short time of blissful unawareness of the outside world. It was worth it for my imagined closeness to my Edward.

At some point, late in the evening judging by the way the shadows were beginning to blur everything around the edges, I came back to my senses. I remembered the choice I had made. I remembered how much I loved Jake. The moment his name floated through my muddled mind, I was standing, hunting for my keys and my jacket. I had to go talk to him. How could I have suggested we spend time apart? I raced downstairs, nearly killing myself in the process, and called his house.

"Hello?" It was Billy. Odd, he never answered the phone.

"Hey Billy!" I said, as cheerfully as I could manage, "Is Jake around?"

"Oh, Bella." He replied, not sounding anywhere near thrilled to hear from me, once again, odd. "No, Jake's out for a little while." Out? Seriously?

"Oh...well, when are you expecting him home?" He sighed like he was irritated.

"I don't know, he didn't say." What was the matter with him?

"Well," I said hesitantly, "would it be ok if waited for him there? I need to talk to him."

"Wow, Bella I'm not sure if that's-" I heard a tremendous crash in the background. "Oh, what the—yeah Bella whatever, I gotta go." He hung up the phone before I had time to process what I'd heard. Oh well, it wasn't important. I dashed out into the rain and started my decrepit truck which, by some miracle, still managed to get me from place to place. I hadn't driven it since Jake and I started dating, being as he drove me everywhere. The deafening roar was soothing.

In twenty minutes I was sitting in the Black's living room forcing small talk with Billy.

"So how's Charlie been?" He asked.

"He's been the happiest person on earth since Jake and I got together." I said, hoping my smile looked more genuine than it felt. Billy shifted uncomfortably in his wheelchair.

"Yeah," he said, not meeting my eyes, "Jakes a good kid." At that moment we both looked to the door, having heard footsteps on the walkway. I heard Jake's raucous laughter, and then a high-pitched female giggle. Billy looked at me, his eyes wide with shock. At that moment the door opened. I froze. Every muscle in my body locked down.

Jakes right hand was, for some reason, all tangled up with Leah's left one. I couldn't figure out how that had happened...some kind of mechanical accident? And glinting from Leah's left hand was a diamond ring. It almost looked like an engagement ring. I wondered who had given it to her. I was momentarily happy for the sour-dispositioned girl. She needed a man.

The realization hit me as I watched the look of joy in Jake's eyes change to one of pure, unadulterated horror. She'd gotten it from Jake. Jake proposed to Leah. He had a ring. Must have been planned. Cheating. Cheating. Not love Bella.

All those words rearranged themselves in my head for what must have been hours as we all sat in tense silence. Finally, I began to regain my facilities. I shook my head, hard, trying to clear it.

"Bella, let me-" I saw Jacob's lips moving but couldn't hear him through the thunderous roaring in my ears. I stood up stiffly, and walked blindly and mechanically out the door. I don't clearly remember getting in or starting the truck, but the trip home from La Push had me the most alert and rational I'd been in my life. I was able to examine the situation as if I wasn't personally involved at all. I even saw the irony.

_Wow...so Bella completely ripped out Edward's heart to be happy with Jake, and Jake just proposed to another girl. Wow...that kind of sucks for Bella..._

I giggled to myself. I must truly have lost my mind. I finally arrived home and climbed out of my truck, grinning like a madwoman the whole time. I walked up the stairs and into my room and dissolved into absolute hysterics. Tears blinded me, but I stumbled forward, knowing I'd eventually hit the bed or fall out the open window, either one was fine. My knees found the bed and I flopped down, sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.

_How could he do this to me? He knew what I left for him! He has to know that now I'm all alone! HOW CAN HE DO THIS?! _

The phone rang, I ignored it. I don't know how long I laid there sobbing. Enough time for the phone to ring 132 times. I counted every ring.

Eventually I found the will to sit up, still crying. I looked at my wrist, the beautiful russet colored wolf dangling merrily. I ripped the charm off and charged down the stairs, losing my footing and falling halfway down. I would be bruised badly, but nothing was broken so I continued on. I ran into the kitchen and flung the charm into the garbage disposal, turning it on and laughing morbidly at the sound the grinding wood made.

If anyone could have seen me at that moment, they would have called the police. My face was streaked with my still flowing tears, and choking sobs mixed with dark, maniacal laugher were bursting from my chest.

I trudged back upstairs, my fury spent, once again surrendered to misery. There was no way out of this situation now. Had I left Jacob I could have gone looking for Edward. I would have an unbelievable amount of groveling to do, but it would have been possible. Now there was no way to search for him without him thinking I only wanted him when Jake wasn't around. I realized what I must look like. A tramp on some soap opera somewhere. The girl who can't be satisfied with just one guy.

Why should I assume that Edward would even allow himself to be found by scum like me? Did I just expect him to halt his life and wait for me? Sure, that's what he said he'd do, but that was before he'd stepped out of the situation and gotten a good look at my character. There was no way he could _not_ be disgusted with me.

I was again blinded by my tears, misery hitting me in wave so strong I thought I'd be sick.

I was about to flop back onto my bed when realization hit me so fast it momentarily stopped my tears. I thought hard.

A beautiful white hand, holding out a letter...my name...what had I done with it? I thought hard. THE CLOSET!! I stumbled for the closet door, almost falling twice in my eagerness to reach it. I opened the door and flung the blankets from the top shelf, and felt around until I found the paper.

I pulled it close to my face, still not able to see quite clearly. Seeing his beautiful calligraphy almost brought new tears to my eyes, but I didn't have time for that. I slid my finger under the wax seal (yes, he still sealed his letters) and broke it, my hands shaking. I slowly pulled out a single piece of stationary and began reading.


	14. Chapter 14

_My Dearest Bella,_

_I hope that this letter finds you well, though I suspect if you're reading it things are not well at all. I do not know how much has transpired in your life since I handed you this letter, but I can assure you that I love you. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you always and forever._

_Even as I'm writing this, knowing that it is quite possible you will always be too happy with Jacob to ever need to open it, you are still the sole reason for my existence. And know this, I have been waiting for the day when you would open this letter, always close enough to you to know. And should you be in the state I suspect you are when you read this all you need to do is turn around._

_All my love,_

_Edward._


End file.
